Bert Kreischer: The Life And Times Of The Machine

Bert Kreischer's Net Worth: How Much Does The Machine Really Make?

Let’s talk about Bert Kreischer, the guy known as "The Machine." He's not just another comedian—he's an actor, writer, podcaster, and producer who's managed to carve out a pretty impressive career for himself. His net worth? A solid $20 million, and it's still climbing. In an episode of his podcast, "2 Bears, 1 Cave" (featuring Rob Lowe in August 2023), Bert chimed in on his own net worth, saying, "Mine’s low. I think they undershoot these." Clearly, Bert knows he's got more going for him than meets the eye.

Bert Kreischer: From Shirtless Stand-Up to Netflix Sensation

Now, if you’re familiar with Bert’s comedy, you know he’s got a unique style. He’s known for performing shirtless, and trust me, it works. Bert’s comedy specials are legendary—titles like "Comfortably Dumb," "The Machine," "Secret Time," "Hey Big Boy," and "Razzle Dazzle" have made waves in the comedy world. But it’s not just about stand-up. Bert’s also the guy behind the "The Machine" movie, which tells the story of his infamous Russian train robbery adventure. He hosts the popular "Bertcast," co-hosts "Bill and Bert" with Bill Burr, and runs "2 Bears 1 Cave" with Tom Segura. He’s everywhere, and he’s making it work.

And that’s not all. Bert’s hosted his own TV shows, like "Hurt Bert" and "Bert the Conqueror," and he even dipped his toes into the culinary world with "Something's Burning." If you’re into reality TV, you might recognize him from "The Cabin with Bert Kreischer" on Netflix. He’s also an executive producer on many of these projects, showing his versatility in the entertainment industry. In 2014, he published his memoir, "Life of the Party: Stories of a Perpetual Man-Child," and he picked up "Variety’s" Creative Impact in Comedy Award in 2021. Bert Kreischer? He’s a powerhouse.

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2024 Tour Earnings: Big Numbers for a Big Guy

Let’s talk numbers, because Bert’s 2024 tour was nothing short of spectacular. He grossed a staggering $30 million, selling nearly 400,000 tickets across 64 shows. That’s right, folks—400,000 tickets. Bert’s ability to bring in crowds is unmatched, and it’s no wonder he’s become a household name in the comedy world.

Early Life: From Tampa to Tallahassee

Bert Kreischer, born Albert Kreischer Jr. on November 3, 1972, in Tampa, Florida, didn’t start out as the comedy legend we know today. His dad, Al, was a real estate attorney, and his mom, Gege, worked in early childhood development. Bert attended Jesuit High School before heading to Florida State University, where he joined the Alpha Tau Omega fraternity and majored in English. It was during his time at FSU that Bert really found his groove. In 1997, "The Princeton Review" named FSU the #1 party school in America, and Bert was crowned "the top partyer at the Number One Party School in the country" by "Rolling Stone." That six-page article about Bert caught the attention of director Oliver Stone, who even optioned Bert’s story. When the deal didn’t pan out, one of the writers changed Bert’s name to "Van Wilder" and sold it to National Lampoon, leading to the 2002 film. Bert’s take on it? "I’ve never seen it. I had nothing to do with it." Classic Bert.

Career: Building an Empire

From Tallahassee Bars to New York City

Bert’s comedy journey began at Tallahassee’s Potbelly’s bar/nightclub. He sent a tape of his set to agent Jason Steinberg, who invited him to New York City to check out some stand-up shows. Bert took the leap, got a job working the door at Greenwich Village’s Boston Comedy Club, and within months, he was offered a sitcom deal by Will Smith’s production company. Talk about a fast track to success.

Breaking Into TV and Film

In 2001, Bert made his mark in the short film "Prepare to Meet Thy God" and the pilot "Life with David J." By 2004, he appeared on the DVD "National Lampoon Live: New Faces – Volume 2" and guest-starred on "The Shield." His story was even animated for Comedy Central’s "Shorties Watchin’ Shorties." Bert didn’t stop there. He appeared in the 2007 film "Alpha Mail" and competed on the reality series parody "Reality Bites Back" alongside comedians like Amy Schumer and Tiffany Haddish.

Comedy Central, Netflix, and Beyond

Bert’s first comedy special, "Comfortably Dumb," aired on Comedy Central in 2009, and the following year, he began hosting the Travel Channel series "Bert the Conqueror." Bert’s face became a familiar one on shows like "Rachael Ray," "Conan," "Late Show with David Letterman," "Jimmy Kimmel Live," and many more. From 2012 to 2015, he hosted "Trip Flip" on the Travel Channel, and his second comedy special, "The Machine," aired on Showtime in 2016. Bert lent his voice to Nickelodeon’s "The Loud House" in 2017, and his Netflix specials "Secret Time" and "Hey Big Boy" followed in 2018 and 2020, respectively.

In 2020, Netflix’s "The Cabin with Bert Kreischer" saw Bert heading to a cabin for some self-care, inviting his funny friends along for the ride. In 2021, it was announced that Bert and Mark Hamill would star in the film "The Machine," inspired by Bert’s breakout stand-up routine about his wild Russian adventure. Bert’s also executive producing the film, and in 2023, Netflix released his latest special, "Razzle Dazzle." Bert’s career keeps growing, and he’s showing no signs of slowing down.

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Personal Life: Family and Faith

Bert married LeeAnn Kemp in December 2003, and together, they’ve built a life full of laughter and love. They have two daughters, Georgia (born in 2004) and Ila (born in 2006). The family calls Los Angeles home, where LeeAnn hosts her own podcast, "Wife of the Party," from Bert’s man cave. Bert describes himself as a "selfish, mediocre, loving" father, acknowledging that there are dads who "kill it." As for religion, Bert grew up Catholic and considers himself "ten times more religious" than anyone else in his family, but he and LeeAnn have decided not to raise their children religiously since LeeAnn isn’t religious.

Real Estate: Where Does The Machine Live?

Bert and LeeAnn purchased a home in Valley Village, California, in 2010 for $529,000. At the time, it was a modest 1,400-square-foot house, but they’ve since renovated it extensively, adding a structure in the back that doubles as a podcasting studio. Beyond Valley Village, Bert and LeeAnn own at least one other property in Los Angeles and a home in Tampa, Florida. It’s clear that Bert’s success has allowed him to build a comfortable life for himself and his family, both professionally and personally.